How to Write an Obituary

Being asked to write an obituary often comes at one of the hardest moments in life — when you’re grieving and there is suddenly so much to do. If you’ve never written one before, it can feel daunting to try to capture a whole life in just a few paragraphs. Please know there is no perfect formula, and you don’t have to do it alone. This guide is here to make the process a little gentler.

What an Obituary Is For

At its heart, an obituary does two things: it lets your community know that someone has passed and how to honor them, and it celebrates the life that was lived. It recognizes the mark your loved one left behind — their family, their friendships, the community they were part of — and it shares the practical details of any services, so those who wish to say goodbye know when and where to gather.

While obituaries were once found mainly in the newspaper, today they live primarily online, where they can reach far more people far more quickly. Friends near and far, former neighbors, and old colleagues can all find the notice, share a memory, and offer their condolences within moments. The heart of the obituary hasn’t changed — its reach simply has.

Questions to Guide Your Writing

Rather than starting with a blank page, it can help to sit with a few questions and let the answers shape what you write.

“What would make my loved one feel honored if they were reading this?” Above all, your purpose is to honor them. An obituary is, in a sense, a tribute shared publicly after someone is gone — so imagine how they would feel reading it, and let that feeling guide your words.

“What are the most beautiful things about them that I’d like the world to know?” Every person is one of a kind. Don’t be afraid to include the small, specific details — the habits, the humor, the quiet kindnesses — that made them who they were and that the people who loved them will recognize instantly.

“Are there things they would have preferred to keep private?” Most families have stories or facts that are better kept among themselves. If your loved one would have felt uneasy sharing something with a stranger, it is perfectly alright to leave it out.

Meaningful Details to Include

For both sentimental and practical reasons, you may want to include:

• Family and loved ones — typically immediate family and grandchildren, though you can adjust based on space and what feels right.
• Life’s achievements — anything that made them proud, from military service to community honors to a lifelong craft or career.
• Characteristic sayings or passions — a phrase they always used, or a cause they cared deeply about, that captures their spirit.
• Service information — the date, time, and place of any services, written clearly so people know when and where to gather.
• Memorial contributions — if they were devoted to a particular charity, many families now invite donations in their memory in lieu of flowers. Include the details that make it easy to give.

Honoring a Life in Words

Whether shared online or in print, obituaries remain a meaningful part of the grieving process — for the family and for the wider community. Taking the time to write one is, in itself, an act of love.

And if the task ever feels overwhelming, please lean on us. At Vay-Schleich & Meeson, we have helped countless families put their memories into words, and we would be honored to sit with you, answer your questions, and help you craft a piece that truly reflects the person you love.